I am 1!

Do I really need to say anything more??

and to think....

...that a year ago on this night, a drunken arrogant man at my students union building managed to wind me up so much that I started blogging.
...that before November 2004 I didn't even know what a blog was.
...that I feel proud that I have had over 5000 hits in that time. Not as high as some people, but I feel proud.
...that I have made some amazing friends under my pseudonym, and some that I will hopefully keep for life

...that I still don't know what I want to do!

Magic Tricks

Did I ever mention my amazing skills?? (no - not those skills, get your mind out of the gutter!) I mean the skills where I can turn a reasonably sober human being into a rude arrogant twat? Yes, it is all my fault.
But I do practice responsible bar skills - honest.

Tonight I actually walked away from serving a customer because he was too cocky and arrogant. His attitude works fine with some of the bar staff - but being called babe and winked at by a drunken fool kind of rubs me the wrong way. Especially when reference to my chest is made.

I also learnt tonight that some music is completely incompatible with a busy bar; Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex for example. Combination of this song with crowds of people holding glass recepticles usally ends with said receptacles on the floor - potentially followed by flying fists over spilled drinks. Quite funny to watch the bouncers settle that one.

In other news, it's coming up to my first birthday in a couple of days. It's all his fault.

Oh, and not to forget

Pinch and a punch and all that jazz.

Quite frankly, you should be suprised

Considering what I do for study, you would be really nastily suprised by what my coffee mug looks like.

We have a communal kitchenette for the guys on my course, and we all use it to death.

If you saw the state of the sink, microwave, mugs, cutlery - you'd wonder how we weren't permanently ill. I feel that a late new year's resolution is in order.

In fact, my mug hasn't been washed properly since November, and I think it has someone else's lipstick stains on it.

Or maybe, just maybe this is why I have a strong immune system

For accuracy's sake

I have decided to leave yesterday's post on the blog. There is no point in hiding from it; it happened and it is done. I still feel like shite about the whole thing, and I think only time will change that, but I am not going to mope around like a teenager. Hopefully with some more observing I will manage to obscure the memory slightly like some previous nasty cases I have been around for. For the time being, the only slightly positive thing I have is something to definitely talk about at both my paramedic degree interviews.

Sounds sick doesn't it?

Thank you for your kind comments.

Merys

There is no suitable title for this post

It's been a strange weekend to tell the truth.

I wish I could summise exactly how I feel at the moment, but I don't think I would even know where to begin. I may reach a point by the end of the post where I manage to explain my feelings, but I'm writing this as the words roll out of my head, through my hands and onto the keyboard. This is not a planned post - just straight up.

As I mentioned before, I was observing this weekend with the ambulance service. Due to other observers being out this weekend also, I went out on the FRU with a paramedic and started the day with a maternataxi call. Everything was fine and dandy - the ambulance arrived at the same time we did, and we left the expectant mother in their capable hands.

A couple more jobs, several cups of tea and a snooze in a chair later, and we get called off station to a 'female not breathing'. Age unknown, no other details. In this particular vehicle the satellite navigation screen had been stolen by some unscrupulous chav, so I was flicking through the A-Z trying to find the address. Thankfully this didn't slow us down, as we both knew the general area.

Arrival at the scene meets us with a hysterical father crying and screaming. I've never seen a man cry this way, and I knew something was desperately wrong. Tom Reynolds has discussed this in depth on his blog, and upon hearing the way that man cried in anguish, I guess I knew that the patient was a child. I'm generally a pro-active observer, and will do as I'm told if it will help, so I grabbed the monitor from the back of the car and followed the paramedic into the house. Lying in the middle of the floor was a 9 week old baby undergoing CPR from her mother. I can only presume that mum was still on the phone with the emergency call taker.

At this point I was a cold callous heartless cow. It didn't occur to me that this was a baby, or someone's child - it was just a patient in cardiac arrest. This was where my feelings were different to those of the attending paramedic.

Thankfully the ambulance was immediately behind us, as it had also been on station and left just after we did. It was decided that the tactical abandonment of the FRU was required, and we all piled into the back of the ambulance. The parents followed in the car, and everything that could be done was done. Having to do chest compressions on a baby feels perverse because the body is so small when you stand over it.

I felt like such a spare part - especially as I was being asked to do things and I just didn't know what I was doing. I'm not yet medically trained, so I don't know what some things are, or where certain things are kept. I just felt like a complete arsehole.

At this point I think the realisation dawned on me that this wasn't going to be a happy ending. Cardiac output was regained at the hospital, but the outlook was bleak for this poor soul. I understand what is meant by an anguished scream, as you could tell when the parents had arrived at the hospital by the primal sound emitted through the doors of resus. I really felt for the family, but selfishly I just felt shit for not being able to help properly. I felt guilty that I may have hindered the paramedics by not knowing my stuff. I honestly still don't know how I feel.

In true Merys style I stayed in last night and polished off several bottles of magners. This did manage to hinder my getting up this morning, and I felt like something had crawled inside my mouth and died for most of the day.

This post hasn't made me feel any better - in fact I would say I feel especially shite now for talking about it. This post may not stay on the blog for long, depending on how I feel this time tomorrow. I have the feeling that this patient will haunt me forever, no matter whether I become a paramedic or a doctor.

I'm very tired and starting to lose momentum and balance, so I'm going to call it a day before I fall down. Off to bed for a long sleep I reckon - just in time to get up for another week of thrilling lectures this week. Not sure how much I will be able to concentrate on

M

Will someone please remove the knives from my eyes?

I have gotten over the 'deep heat and contact lenses' issue now, but my eyes are killing me. I think I've just been burning the candle at both ends a little too much. Just sitting here in front of the computer screen is burning my eyes. I was going to put my contact lenses in this morning when I got up, but I took one look at my eyes in the mirror and the image that greeted me wasn't pleasant. They were a bit bloodshot to say the least, so I think that vanity can take a back seat today and I'll wear the specs.

Quite frankly I just feel like shite at the moment, and I have to be up early all this weekend, so I've got no choice about having a lie in. I've got the extreme pleasure of having to work tonight and be up for observing this weekend.

My mother keeps asking me if I'm OK at the moment, and keeps asking when I'm going to go out and have some fun - but frankly I don't have the time right now. I've got two interviews to prepare for, a martial arts grading to study/train for, my masters to do, 3 jobs to keep on top of, the gym to go to and all the volunteer stuff I do.

I suppose that answers the question about why I feel so tired at the moment.

Merys (needs eyedrops)

Never again

Never ever ever will I gulp down a curry and go for a 'run'. I thought I was going to puke, and I'm amazed I didn't.

Also on the list of things I will never do again: use Deep Heat and put my contact lenses in afterwards. It didn't seem to matter that I had washed my hands thoroughly. It burns. It really burns. Try getting your eyes open long enough to get the contact lens back out again.

I really am a stupid tart sometimes. I lack rather a lot of common sense a lot of the time, just proving the fact that a degree does not make you intelligent.

Anyway, more observing with the ambulance coming up soon, so maybe I will have something cool to blog about. But until then, keep commenting because I'm bored.

Stupid Merys

15 minute mile

Yup, that's how long on average it takes me to cover a mile 'jogging'. More accurately it takes me 45 minutes and 24 seconds to cover 3 miles. I really think I need to speed up a bit more - although I have taken to going out in the dark to hide my shame (not to mention my pasty white legs in shorts. Who needs reflective clothing when you can blind motorists with your skin alone!)

On the good side, ready for my paramedic interview I've started dropping the pounds. The scales reckon I've lost around 7lbs in 10 days, although I think they may be lying slightly!

If they aren't lying, then excellent. All I need is a good case of diarrhoea and vomitting a week before my interview and I will yet be a size 8!

M