Ho Bloody Ho!

Christmas with the rellies brings its usual joys. Farting, arguments and the big afternoon snore, to name but a few.

Santa seemed to excel himself this year, bringing a silver charm bracelet, some silk pyjamas, a spangly electric toothbrush and an estee lauder makeup set. What can I say - I have expensive tastes! I was also gifted with a lovely amount of money, which I have already mentally spent about 4 times in the space of 8 hours. I think I will purchase some new rimless spectacles and some snowboarding gear, ready for the recommencement of lessons over the holiday period.

As usual though, I can invariably find something to whine about:

1. No matter how many times you nag at me, I will not wear that SODDING paper crown from the cracker. I look like a tit frequently enough, and I'm just going to ignore you reminding me about it, and hide it under my placement while no-one is looking.
2. Yes, I can eat that much. No, I don't have worms or holes in my feet. Thank you grandma for pointing out how much I have eaten. I do realise that I've consumed enough calories to make my weightwatchers diet cry in pain, and I will hate myself when I get back to the gym at uni in the new year.
3. No, I don't want to go for a 'bracing walk'. I'm part of the 'yoof of today', and frankly, I'm happy sleeping it off after dinner.
4. Yes, I know I was in the Brownies, but I do not stand and give the Brownie salute everytime I hear the national anthem anymore. No, I stopped that when I left the Brownies aged 10, and I'm now 22.
5. Finally, yes, I can manage a second helping of Christmas Pudding. Please refer to point 2 before you say anything!

On the good side I have got some self-restraint. I was purchased 3 large tins of chocolates this year, which if I open I will demolish in one sitting. Therefore, I will be saying nothing to my family, taking the forsaken things back to uni, and taking them with me next time I go as an observer to an ambulance station. They can gain the weight!

Merry Christmas,

Merys

xxx

PS: I wonder what boxing day will be like at work in the land of the chavs tomorrow!

Ho Ho Ho

Merry Christmas guys and gals. It's my first official christmas in the blogosphere, and I just wanna say thanks to anyone who I've been chatting to recently, either in comments, emails or msn messenger.

Hope santa brings you all you wished for, and I'll post again tomorrow probably!

Merys

The land of wellies and dial-up

Well, I'm back in deepest darkest Yorkshire, where wellington boots and wax jackets are commonplace, and christmas is cold.

I'm back on the dial-up connection, so posting will be sparse for the time being.

I've just finished an amazing two days of observing with the ambulance service again. Unfortunately I forgot to take the big box of chocolates with me on the second day, so I'm going to have to make a detour that way again. I was advised to try and get some more work experience with the local station before my interview in February, and to make a note of any calls I went as an observer to. I really want to go and observe on a night time, but apparently this is forbidden. It won't stop me from nagging repeatedly though. I will blog proplerly about the work experience when I get back to the land of high speed broadband, shops and a social life. For the time being, you will just have to deal with me blogging about cold weather, cars that won't start (I have finally got a new battery!!), and the joys of working at chav central's best leisure centre.

For now, keep warm and keep well,

Merys

Herbology

It would seem like a new species of shrub has been discovered at my university campus. To be honest, it is probably common in many other campuses, as well as parks and fields.

Humourus leafius, also known as the giggling bush has been spotted fairly frequently around here. It can be identified by the shaking of it's leaves, occasionally emitting low moaning noises, and the frequent appearance of a human limb, or even a shoe.

While initially amusing, the increasing frequency with which this species appears will cause annoyance when they emerge beneath one's window in the wee small hours. In order to terminate the re-occurance of this species from a particular site, a pint glass of water poured into the offending shrub should do the job, as well as a flash of a camera into the foliage, or the appearance of a torch beam.

Further sightings should be logged for future reference

Merys Attenborough

Has anyone seen my common sense??

I think I've lost the plot.

I went shopping today with the intention of getting gifts, but instead I came back with these. Now I have nothing against ladies wearing shorts, but I don't have a stomach like that, nor the thighs to be honest. I don' t know what I was thinking.

But...
I am going to wear them out tonight, because I have nothing better to wear. I'm going to a very hot night club and the ventilation will come in useful, as well as not having to worry about people trying to get their hands up my skirt. Always a benefit.

M

PS. If anyone knows where my marbles have gone, please return them to me ASAP

E By Gum

It's been a frantic weekend. Between working 2 of my jobs and going away on Saturday I've barely had any sleep whatsoever. Thankfully I have little work to do at the moment, and I am making the most of it

M

Speaking in tongues

As I believe I may have mentioned, I am from Yorkshire. If you are not from the UK, I really don't expect you to be able to translate the following. Everyone else, feel free to have a good attempt. This is a genuine email sent to be by my father last week. It even took me a while to decipher, and I speak the tongue! I really don't want to think how long it took him to write this email, but I shudder to think!

NARTHEN WOTS THA DUWIN T'DAY, AS THA BIN T'TOWN SHOPPIN EH? AS THA BAWT OWT
NEECE?WOTS WEETHER LEEK A T'UNOLY SIDE O PENNINES,? ITS NITHERIN ERE WI A
LAZY
WIND THAT GOES REET THRU YAWIR OFF T'DESINER ARTLET T'MORRER T'SEE IF
WI'CN GET
ANUTHER PLATE COS YUR MUM BROK WAN ON T'OVEN T'UTHUR NEET. A DAANT
THINK
TH'ILL SWAP BITS FUR A NUWUN BUT THAS NOWT LOST I 'ASKIN IS THURWIMART
EEN SEE A
NU FRYIN PAN WEEL SITHEE O'MUNDAY, LUKAFTR THISENN

I told you I could speak more than one language didn't I?

Full marks to anyone who can correctly decipher either a) the meaning, or b) the actual words.

A time to think

Today is a day to think. To think of people suffering a disease to which there is no cure.

It's time to be considerate and give a little to charity

Previous incarnations

Mister Hand has posed an interesting question with regards to what previous jobs I've had that may be worse than bar work.

Cleaning toilets for a living in an old people's home wasn't the best job in the world, but it kept me out of trouble. I guess you get used to the smell after a while, probably because it follows you around like an old friend.

I have been the annoying person who hands you a leaflet in the city centre, I've done market research for people and I've worked in sales.

I've also been a lab technician and a manager, and above all my jobs my bar work is most preferred.

Bar work has simple rules - mainly relating to the law, and if people are rude to me I get to remove their drink. Simple.

Sleeplessness

Apparently I can speak other languages. Unfortunately my friends didn't manage to record exactly what I was saying, what language it was in, or understand any of it. I managed to be asleep for the entire duration, so I only have their word for it.

It's news to me! Apparently I sounded completely fluent and it definitely wasn't French, Spanish or German. The only thing that I can presume is that too much martial arts has lead me to start shouting commands in Korean. Who knows....

It doesn't actually suprise me, as my friends have told me before that they've had entire conversations with me while I was sleeping, but they never mentioned other languages.

Maybe I'm like Jason Bourne in the Bourne Identity?? (NB: you will have to have read the book rather than seen the film to understand the reference.)

There's absolutely no wonder that I'm always tired is there? It's hard work keeping up with all these foreign languages!

Merys