A day in the life

0730 - Alarm clock starts to go off

0731 - Back up alarm clock also goes off. Turn both alarm clocks onto their 9 minute snooze cycle and return to bed.

*wash rinse and repeat until around 0835*

0835 - Get out of bed, disable both alarm clocks and answer telephone from parents to make sure I am out of bed. Brush teeth, wash face, straighten hair, get dressed.

0925 - leave flat without breakfast. Have forgotten to eat so grab a nutrigrain en route into uni.

0945 - arrive in uni with plenty of time for 2 cups of coffee and some pro-plus.

1000 - have lecture on TB and HIV

1045 - coffee, email check and chat in between lectures

1100 - computer session on TB prevalence worldwide

1245 - start of lunch period. Check emails and keep up with correspondence and coursework. Generally chill until afternoon lecture sessions.

1400 - lectures until 1630

1630 - start to leave uni to walk home. Realise halfway home that I have carted used library books around all day and they need to be returned by 1700 otherwise I will be fined. Start to walk back to library

1653 - Get to library with smug grin on face, remember I haven't got my swipe card on me and cannot get into library. Beg with entry man to let me in. End up compromising that he will give them back for me.

1659 - Join the throngs of first years walking back to halls. Plug iPod in ears loudly to drown out aimless chatter from freshers about alcohol consumption. Neglect to hear police car on sirens while crossing a pedestrian crossing. Turn iPod down to avoid any repeat.

1730ish - arrive back at flat to large amounts of paperwork regarding my first years and damage they have done to fire extinguishers. Curse first years loudly.

1735 - call corridor meeting to discuss damage. Suitably chastise students and tell them that they will be fined if they don't name names. Hold out no hope for identification, but it's not my damage deposit.

1745 - put head on pillow to try and sleep. Sleep for 25 minutes before phone rings. Discuss day's events with parents, then get up and have quick shower.

1910 - realise with sadness that I am in work at 1945 and quickly dry and straighten hair.

1947 - Sneak into work unnoticed. Pretend that I was on time

2000-2300 serve 3 glasses of wine, 11 snakebites and black, 4 pints of bitter, 21 pints of lager, 43 shots, 17 bottles, 3 pints of Guinness, 7 double vodka red bulls, 11 soft drinks. Multiply this figure by the 7 bar staff who are in. Observe redecoration of bar by drunken prat and his stomach contents - manage to avoid cleaning it up.

2345 - have another shower to remove beer, smoke and scum from body and hair.

0130 - eventually crawl into bed post-study.