08 March 2006

What is the point?

Disclaimer: This is not a post designed to receive comments of sympathy, comisseration, or general attention. Hence why I have disabled the comments box. If something has pissed you off, then email or IM me (at the same address).
I am not trying to attention seek - just to vent.

I am honestly wondering what the whole f*****g point is at the moment. Seriously don't know what I want to do with my life, but I seem to be damned which ever way I turn.

The problem is the decision: I really can't make my mind up between being a doctor or being a paramedic. I've made the pro and con list, and it hasn't helped. I've had the arguments with the nearest and dearest and that hasn't helped either. Unfortunately it would appear that because I don't require my masters degree to be a paramedic, that it has been a waste of money (not my opinion) and I should use the masters degree for medicine. I've pointed out that this might be a slightly invalid reason for being a doctor. "Excuse me, I would like to be a doctor so I haven't just wasted 5 grand". Don't think that will wash somehow.

Quite frankly I feel like shite. I don't want to make this decision because no matter what I choose it will be wrong to someone. Am seriously considering jacking in the masters and both courses because it would make life a whole lot simpler. I should go back to what I do the best - retail and leisure work.

All I'm doing at the moment is panicking and crying a lot, and that does not a happy productive student make. I've even found myself starting with panic attacks again, which really irritates me.