23 February 2007

Shit happens

Again, I know I've been bad and haven't posted for a few days but I've still been here.
In my usual style I spent this week breaking my back for other people and sorting out their problems, which I actually don't mind doing as it proves a useful distraction for me from my own bad vibes.

This week I hosted a party for some of my mates and baked a whole load of food especially for the occasion (domestic goddess that I am).

I also received a blogging related gift in the post this week. My very own Nurse Quacktitioner! So thankyou to Hospital Phoenix for the present, and she made me smile this week when I opened the envelope.

I'm still pretty cheesed off with being here and the course in general, but have resigned myself to either being here and (hopefully) becoming a doctor, or leaving here and kissing it all goodbye. It's as simple as that.

When I was at university before I didn't always relish the concept of going home to visit family, as it would occasionally lead to less than domestic bliss. Last night I actually cried when I realised that I was going to have to cancel my home trip because I'd been offered some paid work at my new job. I simply couldn't turn it down as I feared I'd made a bad impression at my training day, so therefore wasn't being offered work.

I never thought I'd be so upset to not be able to go home in all my life. However, I have some stuff arranged for Sunday now that should keep me really busy, so I need to stay here and get my head down with some work.

What's worrying me the most (and yes I am moaning) is that being here is affecting my mental health. And that thought terrifies me. I'm probably just stressing unnecessarily, but this place/course is taking me to whole new lows. I've always been a mildly turbulent person, and when I'm happy, I'm bouncing off the ceiling and cheesing everyone else off. Yet when I'm low I can normally cope with it. Except now. Today's fine because the weather's good and it's Friday, but from Monday to Thursday was spent with at least 10 minutes of crying per day mixed in with skipping lectures and spending time alone and sulking.

This just isn't like me. I never skip lectures (and don't especially sulk), but I'm severely lacking in enthusiasm here. I've even started drinking more than I normally do, and that's very unlike me. I've had 5 hangovers in the last 2 weeks (yet my conscience won't let me get hungover when I have a 'group' session or compulsory lab etc). I'm becoming my own worst enemy at the moment.

So if blogging gets a bit lighter, I trust you will all let me off.



Anonymous said...

We'll let you off Merys, but do take care!!

NurseQuacktitioner said...

Woo! Nursequack is going to take over the blogosphere!

You'll be grand Merys, I have a feeling in my bones. Keep us updated.

Dr No No said...

take care...remember med school was never meant to be fun, that was a fabrication they create to reel you into the dark reality ;)...waiting for your next post when youre ready to vent :)

Iain MacBain - or maybe not!!?? said...

Obviously never made it to med school but managed to clock up 3 Uni's before finding my vocation.

It's always hell. The thing is to know that. I hated every minute I spent at Uni and it took me years to make it out the other end. Hang in there and become a florist, or whatevere, after it all.

You done good so far and the fact that you are strugeling may make you a better doctor on the other side .

Calavera said...

Sorry to hear (read?!) that you're having such a rough ride at the moment, Merys.

Stay focussed on the goal. Don't let it out of your sight.

Nurse Quack is with you!!