02 May 2007

Lord of the rings...

Isn't it amazing how much bitching and fighting goes on in the wake of a family death?

My father had gone round to deposit some of my grandmother's clothing from the hospital back at her house, when he found all the drawers had been pulled open and everything rooted through. The jewellery boxes had been strewn onto the bed and the contents had been searched through. My grandmother never had a lot of possessions, and didn't have a will, so it was curious to see what was being searched for.

The next time my father saw his sisters he enquired as to what they were looking for. A ring, amethyst and opal that had apparently been promised to someone on their part of the family.

My father asked why, and was told that amethyst was the particular birthstone and she had been promised it as a child.

Interesting then that when my cousin (who was disputing this ring) had been offered the ring as a teenager she had refused. Interesting that she wanted it now.

Interesting then that opal is my birthstone (for October) and as a 6 year old child an opal and amythyst gold ring was given to my mother to hand onto me in the future.

Oddly, I shall not be wearing it to the funeral. That would be rubbing salt into the wounds.

Maybe I'm being just as petty as them. I don't know. It just sickens me that the death of a loved one can result in a pissing contest between family members over a piece of jewellery. I don't even have the ring myself, it never fitted me and would need some adjustment first. To be honest, I'm not sure I would ever wear it, but it's the only thing I have, and the last thing I will part with.


H said...

Families are unbelievable sometimes. I remember my uncles going through some of my grandpa's things at his funeral, my gran didn't even know they were going to look at them.
Your gran wanted you to have the ring, treasure it and know that she loved you.
Take care.

Angel said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother.
My family did a very similar thing, my aunt took my nan's charm bracelet when it was obvious she wasn't coming home, it was always meant to be mine, she knew it and that's why she took it first. This was about 10 years ago, two years ago I found out she gave it to her daughter, telling her 'nanny always wanted you to have it'. I won't tell her that her mother's a liar but it just shows you.
Treasure your ring.

Jo said...

Definitely treasure your ring in the knowledge that your gran wanted you to have it. I think that you are wise not to wear it to the funeral (although, if you are not planning to wear a low cut top, you could wear it on a necklace under your clothes)

However, please try not to let it engender ill feeling amongst your family (difficult as this is right now) - my gran died without a will, and, after my grandfather died, 10 years later, their children (6 of them, including my mum) finally sat down to divide up the possessions. It ended up going down to a scissors/paper/stone or pulling straws for some objects, and I know that my mother is still hurt by the fact that she ended up with very little (a ring each for myself and my sister, and a few items of crockery) because my aunt 'won' so many of these draws.

But then we lost almost everything else of the estate after another aunt challenged my grandfather's will and took it to the High Court on a technicality. Sadly, it also means that we have 'lost' my aunt, as no-one is speaking to her.

Jo said...

When we sorted through my grandparents' possessions after Granddad died and Nanny went into a home, it just felt like looting. Mostly different people wanted different things, but my Mum is still a bit sore that we couldn't have as much as her two sisters, because there was a limit on what we could take back to Singapore with us.

It's one of those things that makes me so glad I'm an only child!!

I hope the funeral goes well and is not too upsetting.

Dr Andrew Brown said...

Oh dear, this is a shame and it's all too common I'm afraid.

You're right not to flaunt the ring at the funeral. And try to be pleasant to the family members who have upset you. It may just be a misunderstanding, and if it isn't you will be demonstrating that you are better than they are.

Lola Cherry Cola said...

It's sad that families feel the need to cause hassle over a few possessions. Cherish your ring. Before he died my grandad gave me his photos from the war, and they are nice to look back on and remember him.