26 December 2007

The season of goodwill

As is usual when my family gets together for any period of time, arguments soon follow.
Thankfully at least my family has enough decorum to avoid physical war and the involvement of third party organisations.

It comes down to the usual type of stuff. My mother wants me to spend every waking hour of my time at home with her and my father. She fails to realise sometimes I do need some 'alone' time, and heaven forbid might actually want to see some of the rare friends I still have in this area.

Consequently I have been 'banned' from going to see friends because, and I quote: 'we don't see you enough as it is, and all you want to do is go out. Remember, this is our house.'

OK, fair enough, I hear what you're saying. But also, please bear in mind, it's very difficult having to go to bed at 10.30 every night when you aren't used to it. It's equally difficult to have to ask permission to go anywhere alone, never mind getting that permission refused for the reason 'because I said not'. That worked when I was 4, at 24 it's slightly harder to stomach.
The one I find the hardest is: you live under our roof and must follow our rules. Fair play, but do you follow mine when you come and stay with me?! I think not...

I love you mum, but I'm an adult. I make my own decisions, eat when I want to, go where I want and see who I want to see when I'm at uni. I appreciate that this is your house, but you aren't making the transition between home and uni any easier. In fact, you're making that wedge between the two of us even bigger. I feel like a small child again. You even ask me what I'm doing on facebook these days.* Jeez, is a little privacy too much to ask sometimes.

*My mother has said that she is going to join facebook. She doesn't understand that sometimes I need my own space, and if she does, I won't be able to add her as a friend because she won't approve of my current friends. It's a difficult situation, or am I just being a brat?


Kitty said...

You're definitely not being a brat!

I'm having the exact same problems with my parents (although they are letting me out now that boxing day is over). I'm so used to being able to shut my door and be left in peace at uni, but am constantly knocked on at home...even being asked why I shut my door!

Just think, in a couple of weeks time you can say goodbye and be back the bliss that is being away from them and having the independance you're used to!

me said...

FYI you can put your mum or anyone else on limited profile on facebook....which you can set so they can only see certain things on your profile...
Sorry about the independance thing...not fun. Luckily for me my sister has been home so my parents have been doting; and as soon as she leaves the relatives arrive so i'm relegated to the camper :-D a good thing in my books!

Good luck...and enjoy the home cooking?!

MB said...

My folks know when I need my own space as I put my I-pod earphones in....whether I'm listening to music or not is another matter. They are possessive, and at the moment my mother is insisting that we all sit down and play Cluedo together tonight (this could be because my brother is home from the army this week).

I think parents can make you feel like a little child without even realising it.

So no, I don't think you're acting like a brat - you're just rebelling for your personal space.

The Little Medic said...

Parents on facebook is just wrong, but things like that are only going to get worse as the older generation slowly wake up to today's world.

That sounds really unreasonable of your mum. Like you say, you're an adult, you should be able to make your own decisions.

Anonymous said...

You're not being a brat...but if I can just put the other side of the coin for a moment...

My daughter and I were/are very close. When she started making her own life it was difficult - I wanted to make sure that she wasn't 'getting led astray' and all those things that Mums think. She joined another blog site and I did too (with her knowledge). I soon realised that her tastes weren't the same as mine, but there was nothing awful about her friends they just weren't the people I would have chosen.

Once I realised that her friends were just people too and weren't going to involve her in something absolutely terrible I began to relax. In fact, I can't remember the last time I looked at her blog, or those of her friends.

You might be an adult, but you'll always be your mother's daughter and she's always going to want to make sure you're ok. From a mum's point of view I can almost certainly say that this isn't cuz she wants to interfere but cuz she wants to be there to pick up the pieces if she needs to.

In fact, my daughter is now pestering me to join twitter, so that she doesn't have to update me as to what's been going on!

So, for what it's worth, perhaps you should add Mum as a friend - if there's anyone that you currently have as a friend that would cause lots of concern or argument then use the filter system that Ejeanne mentioned. I hope and trust you will find that once you're not trying to exclude your mother from your life, you'll find she naturally becomes less obsessive about it.

Whoa, I'm rambling! Sorry for butting in.


Anonymous said...

do we have the same parents?

Anonymous said...

You're not a brat Merys, you're a great lass who'll make a great doctor.
Brats are people who bully others online in a pathetic attempt to make themselves feel clever and important. By which we can conclude that such sad little people have sad little lives and nothing better to do with their precious holiday than sit at a computer and think up bitchy little nasties.
it'd be funny if it wasn't so pitiful, and if these sad little people weren't going to be doctors. The fact they are is scary, I hope they never come near me or any of my friends and family!

quixote said...

I'm old enough to be your grandparent, and and I'd say your mum is nuts. Nor are you anywhere near being a brat. The "it's my house" line means "we should be able live our way without your visit disrupting the hell out of everything."

It definitely does not mean (at 24!) that they can tell you when to see your friends, who to call, and where to buy your underwear.