Sadly last night I received some bad news. My grandmother died last night in hospital, and it wasn't particularly expected (well not to me anyway).
My poor father has fallen apart having lost his mother, and couldn't speak to me between choking back tears.
Hence today has been written off completely and I intend to crawl back into bed now.
I was meant to be on a placement day today, but I simply couldn't face it, so I've taken the day off.
Unfortunately I'm a selfish bitch, and can't help thinking that if I'd got off my arse when I was at home I could have gone around and seen her. We lived a mere 2 minutes walk from her, and now I can't see her anymore.
My last memory is of the family wedding I attended, looking after her and keeping her company when no-one else seemed to want to.
Unfortunately my mind is full of unanswered questions, and I feel selfish for wanting a post-mortem so that I can get some answers.
Worse still, from the environment I work and study in, in my mind I can't help but see her laid out, or in a fridge somewhere. Worried that her hair is a mess, or that someone hasn't held her hand or stroked her face. Worse still no-one was with her and no-one said goodbye.
Especially not me.
Sometimes it just really messes you up.