10 November 2009

Egg Shells

I'm around physically but not emotionally at the moment.

The big black dog has come back for a visit, except this time I'm still on 40mg of fluoxetine. My gut feeling is that I don't know what to do. I've not felt this low since starting on medication anyway and I've been reasonably stable since.

I have described it like an egg shell. I have a tough and bolshy exterior but it's fragile. My shell is getting thinner and particularly weak in places. The gooey bit in the middle keeps coming out to play and I keep crying.

Generally this is bad. Except it's now worse because I'm clinical and doing long days.

I still want medicine as a career but am I right for it?


Anonymous said...

As a long time reader of the blog, I know that you've got through similar bad spells in the past, and I'm sure you'll do likewise this time. It's no secret that a medical degree is hard work, and takes its toll emotionally as much as anything else. But you've got to this point, and you're very close to the finish post. I'm sure that if you keep going and get there, you'll realise that you made the right decision.

Anonymous said...

you were achey in the last post and depressed in this one, you're not hypothyroid are you?

Jamrock said...

the black dog...egg shell....self doubt...indeed...I often come back and re-read this post.

I'm glad you seem brighter at the moment.

MarineN said...

Are you right for it? Damn right you are. If nothing else, you will have empathy.
I have a friend who is a fellow sufferer and she is a bloody good GP.
Self-doubt, anxiety, depression, anger all dogged (no pun int.) the first 25 years of my - non-medical - working life and led me to pass-up many opportunities. Now, at least, venlafaxine has given me some sense of normality.
Stick with your goal/dream.
In the words of Ian Paisley 'No Surrender!'