tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10661747.post5093091189654491346..comments2023-10-28T15:21:58.311+01:00Comments on I Am Not A Drain On Society : Bleep etiquetteMeryshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03973870561760066803noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10661747.post-51760140493570209162013-01-19T21:22:52.775+00:002013-01-19T21:22:52.775+00:001. You don't need to be telephoned, bleeped o...1. You don't need to be telephoned, bleeped or anything else. You should be there. Otherwise I get to say "bloody NHS" just because I don't have a doctor to hold my hand 24h/day. <br /><br />2. All wards look the same, they only smell different. As smell is the most evocative of the senses, you should investigate this as a way of finding your way around. But you won't need to because you'll be doing point 1.<br /><br />3. Seeing harried-looking staff standing next to a telephone looking agitated while that weird old bloke who reads the Daily Mail and couldn't speak properly anyway is on the floor and more importantly my TV NEEDS ADJUSTING is not good for the NHS's image. Sort it out. I pay your wages, I can tell you this shit.<br /><br />4. My notes are a lie. You should consult me before any decision anyway. Being unconscious is not an excuse. My family can still sue your ass, sorebones.<br /><br />5. You want to make a decision without having seen the patient. What sort of diagnostician are you?!<br /><br />6. I don't want machines, I want drugs. I don't care if that's the reason I am there in the first place. I HAVE RIGHTS!<br /><br />7. Being on a night out to some poncey play or having become a GP is irrelevant to me. Come and give me drugs. Also, the nurses aren't pretty enough.<br /><br />8. You so do take breaks all the time. Don't lie to me. The NHS is always sitting on its arse and that arbitrarily includes you, quack.<br /><br />9. The nurses should be giving me attention, not you. I pay all your wages, I get to say!<br /><br />10. They really don't spend time with us. They should though. I need something to wank over and the page three from the smelly man next to me isn't going to do it four days running.<br /><br />11. I'm ill. The last thing I want to see is a fat agency nurse flirting with the on-call doctor on the phone. You'll thank me when you see her face anyway.<br /><br />12. They are clearly taking the piss. The fact that you haven't noticed this is funny.<br /><br />13. It's because you are pretty/handsome. Keep your mouth shut and smile. It's the best advert for the NHS you can give. Well, apart from other things but you'd probably think they were unhygienic. <br /><br />14. What's a cannulae? Nurses are here for me, biatch, not you.<br /><br />15. Are you a boat? Sounds like you are on as many drugs as me.<br /><br />16. If I'm dead, you should rally round. It's what happens on the telly, so you should do it.<br /><br />17. I score because I am amazing. End of.<br /><br />18. The nurse is being charming to you. She should be being charming to *me*. I am really angry with the NHS now.<br /><br />19. This is a risky rule, what if it's the pretty blonde and she's sucking me off?<br /><br />20. Students need training so they can be you one day. However, they are not training on me, because I am too important.<br /><br />21. I don't want warfarin, it's what my dead gran had. I want a joint. Now. And a ham sandwich.<br /><br />22. You sit down too much anyway. Go and do some work. I pay your wages.<br /><br />23a. You should be working, not eavesdropping. And my telly still needs adjusting.<br /><br />23b. If it's a week old it should be in maternity with the other babies. Also, see point 20.<br /><br />24. It's 1912 as far as the newspaper I read (right wing) or the kind thing to do (left wing) so just do it. What if it's what I want?! I get to say, I know everything.<br /><br />25. My notes are wrong and I'll sue. See point 4. AnnoyingPatientnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10661747.post-84654821941115638982012-10-02T04:53:01.577+01:002012-10-02T04:53:01.577+01:00Manner is personality—the outward manifestation of...Manner is personality—the outward manifestation of one’s innate character and attitude toward life.Anti Money Launderinghttp://aml-assassin.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10661747.post-61415920560592928322012-05-04T17:14:24.326+01:002012-05-04T17:14:24.326+01:00Just re-read my comment, first 4 were supposed to ...Just re-read my comment, first 4 were supposed to sound a bit more tongue in cheek. Sorry.GrumpyRNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06774717062401988853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10661747.post-7710604148414185032012-05-04T12:25:59.351+01:002012-05-04T12:25:59.351+01:00No 1, Cheeky mare, I've been doing this since ...No 1, Cheeky mare, I've been doing this since before you were born. Don't patronise me.<br /><br />No 3, I might just have other things to do while waiting for you to answer the bleep. See point 8.<br /><br />No 7, Why are you in theatre if you are on call? Huge bug bear of mine. Bleeps answered by theatre nurse, "sorry, s/he's scrubbed," I don't care.<br /><br />11, Seriously? You want cheery? Flirting? Jings you are delusional or work in some utopia. If you get polite you should be grateful, and our demeanour should not influence how you do your job.<br /><br />12, Hey I'm getting old. I don't remember why I went into a cupboard, why should you miss out on my incipient Alzhiemers?<br /><br />13, Oh c'mon your here already.<br /><br />15, You do realise we do this on purpose to see how far we can push you? It passes an otherwise boring afternoon watching you meltdown.<br /><br />16, But we need the bed and can't get rid of the body until you pronounce death.<br /><br />17, I hate this dumbing down, I don't need an arbitrary number to know when to get help.<br /><br />18, Sometimes it may be important, honest.<br /><br />19 & 20, See number 3 above. And it is good for students, develops character and lets them think they are involved.<br /><br />23a & 23b I have listened, sometimes the otherwise most intelligent people can't string a sentence together.<br /><br />24, How am I ever going to finsh my book if you won't sedate those damn patients.<br /><br />You should have added the 'lying bleep' thats where the doctor denies ever getting any bleeps while he sat drinking coffee in the mess. Compounding the 'lying bleep' by telling the nurses "you are terrible liars" will only get you a visit to a max facs surgeon to fix the fractured mandible that I have applied if you ever call me a liar again. ;-)GrumpyRNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06774717062401988853noreply@blogger.com