26 February 2007
I've just had to de-mud my boots, as they aren't fit for bringing into my flat, and I have a huge smelly bin liner full of mud and clothes that has to go in the wash.
I love fresh air and wandering around outside.
Maybe I do need a career change after all.
25 February 2007
A. I have a new job.
You see as you may have noticed I've been experiencing some slight frustration lately. I decided to make my part time job as far removed from medical school as was humanly possible.
So today I start working at an outdoor adventure centre. I've done it before and I enjoyed it the last time. Being female helps gain employment in this field, as does being officially first aid trained and having basic people skills.
So today (and any other weekends they need me) I shall be running around in the mud and trees doing stuff that I enjoy and trying not to get too wet.
Merys will always be a tom boy, no matter how smartly she has to dress to see patients.
Mud is not just for facial treatment!
23 February 2007
In my usual style I spent this week breaking my back for other people and sorting out their problems, which I actually don't mind doing as it proves a useful distraction for me from my own bad vibes.
This week I hosted a party for some of my mates and baked a whole load of food especially for the occasion (domestic goddess that I am).
I also received a blogging related gift in the post this week. My very own Nurse Quacktitioner! So thankyou to Hospital Phoenix for the present, and she made me smile this week when I opened the envelope.
I'm still pretty cheesed off with being here and the course in general, but have resigned myself to either being here and (hopefully) becoming a doctor, or leaving here and kissing it all goodbye. It's as simple as that.
When I was at university before I didn't always relish the concept of going home to visit family, as it would occasionally lead to less than domestic bliss. Last night I actually cried when I realised that I was going to have to cancel my home trip because I'd been offered some paid work at my new job. I simply couldn't turn it down as I feared I'd made a bad impression at my training day, so therefore wasn't being offered work.
I never thought I'd be so upset to not be able to go home in all my life. However, I have some stuff arranged for Sunday now that should keep me really busy, so I need to stay here and get my head down with some work.
What's worrying me the most (and yes I am moaning) is that being here is affecting my mental health. And that thought terrifies me. I'm probably just stressing unnecessarily, but this place/course is taking me to whole new lows. I've always been a mildly turbulent person, and when I'm happy, I'm bouncing off the ceiling and cheesing everyone else off. Yet when I'm low I can normally cope with it. Except now. Today's fine because the weather's good and it's Friday, but from Monday to Thursday was spent with at least 10 minutes of crying per day mixed in with skipping lectures and spending time alone and sulking.
This just isn't like me. I never skip lectures (and don't especially sulk), but I'm severely lacking in enthusiasm here. I've even started drinking more than I normally do, and that's very unlike me. I've had 5 hangovers in the last 2 weeks (yet my conscience won't let me get hungover when I have a 'group' session or compulsory lab etc). I'm becoming my own worst enemy at the moment.
So if blogging gets a bit lighter, I trust you will all let me off.
19 February 2007
Ironically I didn't do as I planned and stay in bed, rather I woke up very early on both days and started to come down with the mother of all colds.
Why is it that on the weekend I can't sleep in (when I would really want to), yet on weekdays I can't get up early and continue to sleep through the alarm clock (multiple times).
With regards to medical school, I just feel the need to re-evaluate my position here. I'm not entirely enjoying the course and it's not what I expected. I'm beginning to wonder if it wasn't all about the chase in the end.
I'm not angry, but I am disappointed in myself. I fought so hard to get here and I'm now not sure if I'm even going to make it, never mind stick it out.
Anyway, enough of the moaning - I have a PBHell assignment to do!
16 February 2007
Please consider that Merys has had a shit week on so many levels, and is currently experiencing nausea and dizziness related to ear problems.
She is planning on sticking with medical school until Summer (except in unusual circumstances) and re-evaluating her career then.
12 February 2007
I did that thing again whereby I volunteer stupidly to do a lot of stuff for other people at the expense of my own rest and sanity.
I have now volunteered for an extra shift at work and spent all day Sunday outside in the rain with the idea of helping a friend out.
So I have thereby done no academic work all weekend and am entitled to take 2 days off.
09 February 2007
Used through teenage curiosity or closure following the death of a loved one, communication with the dead has long been a taboo subject, shamed by religion and associated with paranormal activities….but does it actually exist?
As a child I remember acquiring a book called the Young Ghosthunter’s Guide, which according to Amazon and Google no longer exists (ironic really…). I always thought the concept of promoting communicating with the dead to an adolescent was a slightly confusing idea, considering that communicating with each other was challenging enough.
The book explained how the dead had not made a successful transition to where they were meant to go, and that through methods such as pendulum divining, dowsing and ‘white noise’ techniques, ghosts could be found and ‘communication’ could be attempted.
It explained the different types of ghost – from grey ladies to poltergeists and other transient beings. I found it fascinating and terrifying in equal measures, and was suitably put off when my friends began experimenting with Ouija boards and séances, and scaring themselves terribly while doing it.
Having had my tarot cards read, I was astounded at the amount of ‘true’ information the reader knew about me, claiming he was talking to a deceased relative over my shoulder. Was he genuinely communicating, or just very good at reading people? I suspect the latter.
Does communication with the dead actually exist, or is it our own imagination that allows us to believe it? Ouija boards depend on utmost trust in each other – and how easy is it to prove what is guiding the hands; spirit or nervous twitch?
When interpreting so called white noise, the identification of the voice depends on the interpretation of the user – with a large capacity for error.
The problem is that I’m a natural cynic. I guess that may be reflected by my career path within science rather than art; if something can’t be proven then I am more likely to doubt its existence.
Communicating with the dead? I don’t think so, but if it allows some closure for a grieving relative, is it really a bad thing, or just an unconventional placebo?
08 February 2007
07 February 2007
06 February 2007
04 February 2007
03 February 2007
As a medical student, I regularly have to do pieces of assessed work on different areas of medicine. Ethics is my vastly weak one, and entering this competition wouldn't do my ethical writing any harm. I feel quite proud of my piece of writing, and for me that's saying something.
Obviously, I do have a computer. I wouldn't be writing as regularly if I didn't....but if I say I bought it from Tiny before they ceased trading, would that give anyone a hint?
Current computer is struggling desperately, needs a lot of work and money spending on it (which I don't have) and currently won't even play when I try and put the new internal hard drive in (which I've been trying since October).
So basically, I think you should all vote for me (and link to it if you're feeling really nice!) every day until Friday to see if I can win a laptop!
And on the cycling note - the weather is so beautiful today that I'm actually going to go out on my bike for fun and head in the direction of the cycle shop and see if I can't get it fixed! Just don't ask how it got broken....
02 February 2007
Meet Dr Placebo who has a wonderful description of the medical school terms that I use quite frequently here.
I laughed out loud at the OSCE one, as we had ours just before Xmas. I will post an update on that one if I pass them...
I've documented quite extensively just how much I hate it here, the university and city in general.
...well. While sitting in the library up as high as I can get and looking out over the city and the campus, I experienced a moment of pure contentment. Obviously I asked my friend to check me for fever - alas no.
I'm either starting to settle here (at last) or I'm sickening for post New Year fresher's flu (it's doing the rounds again).
I suspect the latter, but I'll keep you informed.